little over a month ago, i was with nick in the car and i had this overwhelming feel of potential. at that point, i felt like a piece of trash honestly. i was at a 9-5 job i didnt like, i felt suck there…like i never was going to find a new job (i ended up doing so and i am so happy!). i felt like i wasnt being creative anymore. i literally stop blogging, i stopped just creating in general. i knew i always wanted to start my own business but never knew what it was i wanted to do or make or provide.
and then days later, i was on tiktok and there was a video of a girl, who made dog bandannas and scrunchies and i was like WAITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT. i know how to sew, i have a dog, i already had a dog IG page (yes, it was nicks ideas for me start Glen’s Bandanna Co. on glens already made ig) and i have this fricken huge bottle of potential just sitting here WAITING to be opened.
so i planned, and planned and planned. i bought super clearance fabric and started to sew. I bought everything i knew i would need from small sewing needs, to buying packaging to busniess cards to so much fabric because i wanted to make so many different bandannas. BUT my favorite question i get is – “you know how to sew?” yup i do. in high school, i worked for a family friend, juile, who owns one of the best etsy shops around – Tip Top Teepee Shop . at the time though, i was working for her other etsy stop – The Playhouse Kid. and there is something that has really suck with me since i had worked for her. her playhouse are made out of felt and we all know with any fabric, there are going to be leftovers. I remember her one day (yearssssssssssss ago) say: “you need to think of something to make and sell with all my scrap felt”. so every time i wanted to start my own business or do something creative, all i hear is her telling me i need to create something and sell it – and i blame her me starting all of this 😉
anyways, one of the many things on my “get your shit together list” was, texting julie to see if what i wanted to do was a good idea, if she could brush me up on sewing again so i went to her for a little help. and now youre thinking “wait, you have a sewing machine?” nope. no, no, i dont. i mean, juile is the life saver here because next thing i knew, i was walking out her door, carrying a sewing machine (and thank goodness she is letting me borrow that thing, it comes in handy! LOL). as i put the sew machine in my car, i sit down, turn on my car and realized, shit just got real.
at this point, i knew how to make bandannas but i knew i didnt know how to make scrunchies and let me tell you, the internet is a wonderful thing lol. i hate the phrase “fake it until you make it” but literally, i know i said a couple of times to nick “i honestly have no idea what im doing”. and all he said back was “youll get there and youll figure it out”. so i knew that is just want i needed to do, i needed to figure this out on my own. i didnt have anyone really to fall back on but myself. I had to be there for ME. which sounds really empowering and strong – let me tell you, i was scared shitless.
i honestly can say, i cannot remember the last time i was this motivated (wish i was this motivated to workout but….) i wanted to keep learning, i wanted to keep improving my skill, i wanted to challenge myself when it came to branding and finding my voice. i wanted to provide a product that i people wanted to keep coming back for. i would say the challenge i keep running into is, i try and make everyone SO perfect, when owning a business is so much more than that. its about interacting with other, listening to the wants/needs of the pet world and its about having fun. i love what i have started because i get to create and get to share my work with others. plus i love dogs!
fast forward to march 10th, i launched Glen’s Bandanna Co. on esty! yes – the name was very easy to choose, although i was worried that it was only limit me to bandannas but that wasnt the case. i can grow with the name and not have the name define me. the growth and feedback have been amazing, i love every sale i make and i love seeing customers coming back. but lets be honest, we all know that the best part is the dog pics…right? 😉 ( THANK YOU TO EVEYONE WHO HAS SUPPORTED ME – i cant thank everyone enough!!!!!!).
at the point of my launch and weeks leading after, i only wanted to have items that were boho inspired, i wanted things to be beachy, simple and airy. but that only lasted a couple of weeks. i started to realize…i cant limit myself like that. if i want the brand i have been dreaming of, i cant just stick to boho. i needed to rebrand myself, give the people what they wanted! okay, that sounds a little dramatic but seriously! I wanted to rebrand myself to something simpler, yet modern and bold (both the brand and the fabrics). i wanted the feel of Glen’s Bandanna Co. to be simple so that bandannas, scrunchies and their fabrics could stick out.
here i am, almost a month in and i have built up my ig page and have gotten to interact with SO SO SOOOOOO many pet owners, its been amazing, i have gotten more sales than i ever thought was possible in this short amount of time – i have even gotten customers that keep coming back for more.
and seriously all of this is my why.
why i keep pushing myself, why i keep trying new things, why i spend hours and hours working hard so i can see how happy it makes owners and their pups (and cats!)
i think as time goes on, and the weather gets warmer, i want to get out in the community more, meet some pups and their owners… in real life! set up my bandannas and scrunchies and have people actually see my product in person rather than on a screen.
im excited, im happy but i couldnt do it without the support i have gotten and continues to get.
at my new job, i take walks on my lunch and there have been times that i cannot believe how proud i have made myself. i see people reviewing my work, posting pictures of their dogs in MY bandannas and i seriously cannot believe it. i get that whole little pep in my step and just am so overwhelmed with joy.
i want to make big things happen – are you with me?
i dont even know where to start, should i reintroduce myself? should i explain what ive been doing for the last however many months? i dont really know.
Ive been saying this a lot on my ig but i feel like i lost it. lost my touch, lost my love for all things social media and even marketing for that matter. i feel like one day, it all didnt matter to me as much as it did the in past and im not sure why or where that came from.
also, i am not going to sit here and say much about 2020 but DUH we all know that it sucked and that we never want to relive it. (although, i did have some positive that came out of 2020! likkkkkkkkkkkkkkke getting married & BUYING A SINGLE FAMILY HOUSE…i do want to talk more about that in another post).
i came into 2021 with no goals, nothing that i wanted to achieve. part of me thought that was odd but then the other part of me was like “well, if you dont have goals then so what?” “youll figure it out”. yeah, i figured it out 3 weeks into the new year and realized that i need to focus on something at least.
here are a couple of things i want to work towards:
this is a big one for me. i always thought i was strong, that nothing could “bring me down”. and i was 110% wrong. i spent my whole life being strong for myself because thats all i knew how to do. i would always say i knew how to manage my anxiety. that i knew what to do when shit hit the fan but all of sudden this past year, my anxiety was at its peak. i finally did what i was embarrassed to do and that was reach out and talk to a therapist. i literally hate the stigma that there is around mental health. i felt embarrassed, ashamed that i saw a therapist because my whole life, i was able to “figure it out”. seeing a therapist was one of the best things i couldve done. i wish that it was talked more about how much they can help and how great of people they are. how they give you suggestions on how to handle that it is that is bothering you. i am here to tell you, if you have the slightest want or need to see a therapist, DO IT!!!!! its something that i wish i wouldve done sooner & something i need to start doing again.
ill say it again for the people in the back RELAXING! i am so bad at this. so bad. i always feel like it need to keep going and going and going but really, that is just making me not face certain things in life. lets say, that something bad happens, i try to not think about that and by doing so, i stay busy. i am slowwwwwly learning to “leave things for later” or to even say “no” to things so i can stay home and relax or do something that i enjoy. growing up, i remember i never felt “right” or “safe” to relax. meaning, i always felt like i had to be doing something to not make my parents mad or for them to think i wasnt doing anything. so an as adult, i am learning that im finally on my terms and that i can relax when i want to.
this one. ugh okay. yes, i havent stopped working out but i have really stopped working out as much as i had done in the past. i do blame the move a little on this because who wants to workout when youre moving or painting or moving? lol. but i was to the point of working out at least 5 days a week and i was feeling good!! and then that slowly went to 4 and then MAYBE to 3. i then realized that, if my body isnt totally feeling it then way force myself? why should i force myself into doing something i dont want to do? because if i go and workout, its not going to be a good workout, its going to be shitty because im already in the mindset of not doing it. BUT i do want to workout more (mix it up more, try new things) like i had in the past. i do though – want to change the mindset of it and make more enjoyable. something that has been sticking to me is that “dont make working out something you HAVE to do, make it something you GET to do”. right now, i am re-doing heather robertsons free 12 week workout plan, on youtube. she is one of my favorite workout youtube channels.
GETTING BACK INTO BLOGGING/SOCIAL MEDIA:
i just tried to hide while typing that out. AHHHHH i feel so dumb that i literally just stopped everything that i loved doing! i know the reason why i wanted to stop and that was because i was so worried about my mental health and not feeling like myself that i stopped and tried to “figure out what was wrong with me” when in reality.. its anxiety and my migraines (i dont feel like getting into that at the moment). ANYWAYS, yes, i want to blog like i used to, try new things and meet new people. i honestly feel like im not myself on socials anymore and i hate that. i feel like i cant keep up and that since im not doing what others are doing, why would you want to check out my stuff. and guess what? none of that matters, because people are going to follow you and love you FOR YOU!!! yes FOR YOU! i am ready to be me again. i am ready to create more content and im honestly ready to make a switch on what it is that i post about.
im pretty sure i could go on and on about goals and things i want to work towards but we would be here all day and i know that no one has that time. i wanted to share these with you because i know that goals can be challenging and they can be scary. goals also dont need to be crazy wild either. they can be simple.
ive also been getting a lot of requests for my mac n cheese recipe so i think thatll be my next post… yes, i have one now but i need to revamp it!
yeah yeah, i am four… yes FOUR months into being married and im just writing a blog post about it. i share a lot with you guys & i figured this was something i wanted to share. i tell you all the good, bad and the ugly and well and this was all three.
its sort of funny to me how things played out really, i went from writing a blog post about getting engaged to how i couldnt wait to get married in 3 months, to how pissed off i was that my whole wedding was up in the air and now im telling you that i officially got married in may. but dont worry, we are having a big celebrate next May, well we hope so anyways.
so at the end of april, wisconsin was under the “safer at home”. we pretty much had to stay home and couldnt go anywhere unless it was essential. well, i had all my invites, details and RSVP cards, addressed envelopes and stamps all on the table and i started to pack the envelopes with all the cards i had and then i got an update on my phone that wisconsin was going to stay under the “safer at home” order until the end of may which only left a week before our wedding. i was literally was 5 invites in and sat there and thought: “omfffffffffffffffffffffg”.
we had no choice, we had to cancel our wedding.
yes, i figured this was going to happen but the fact of hearing it made it real. i didnt know what to do, i didnt. nick and i talked it over and over and we knew to keep everyone safe, we would have to reschedule the wedding. i then walked by myself over to the garbage can and threw away all of the invites and RSVP cards but guess what?? i didnt need them. okay i am making this sound really dramatic like it was over cast outside and i slowly walked into the kitchen, ponder life by looking out the window and threw away the invites lol.
next step was trying to contact our venue and from there we had to pick a new date which is may 22nd, 2021, this date has no meaning what so ever, we just picked a random one. once that date was changed then we and by we, i mean i, i contacted all the other vendors and hoped that may 22nd was available on their ends. im pretty sure it was a gift from whoever but all our vendors were able to switch our date to the new one and BOOM! same wedding just different date! this was such a relief! then it was time to find the most appropriate change the date cards and send them out. here are the ones we ended up getting.
now what? what do we do? do we wait? do we get married? how do we get married when the court house isnt open? should we wait for june 6th or should we get married sooner? do we have time to get married soon?
well, let me tell you. we knew we wanted to get married sooner than later. we just want to get it over with (okay i didnt mean it like that, we just really wanted to get married) and live together as a married couple. deep down, i always wanted to get married on may 10th because that was my grandparents wedding anniversary. more specifically, my grandma joyces wedding anniversary. she was my heart and soul. i miss her dearly and i knew, from a young age, i wanted may 10th as my wedding day and thats what i got! now, comes the question of soooooo how did you get married if everything is closed?
we did a lot of googling haha, like a lot. so like i said, everything was closed. now this is for milwaukee county, i am not sure what other cities would have looked like but i would think must would look about the same.
i wont sit here and bore you with all the details but everything was over video and email. i had to call the court house, set up a time to zoom a country clerk and then we had to prove who we were. after we showed our IDs and birth certificates and put up our right hands and said whatever we did and just like that, we get our marriage licence. it was weird. and about 5 mins after we were grated to get married, she sent over our marriage licence in a PDF and there it was.we were able to get married in 7 days but had to get married within 30 days. we were worried we wouldnt be able to do this so quickly because at this point, it was two weeks before may 10th and we knew things at the state level can take time but things were in our favor!
so you have your marriage licence and now what? well, we had to get our rings made and has to start to “plan our big day”. when it came to the rings, that was easy! my wedding band i got where nick got my engagement ring and i was able to have it finished within a week and half… it pays to knew the right people 😉 i picked up my ring i think 4 days before the wedding. and yes, i wore it the whole car ride home, i was obsessed! i am still obsessed!! nick knew he wanted his ring to semi look like his dads and we knew just who to call. our family friend greg met with nick and nick explained what he wanted and boom! nick had a ring within a week. gregs work is amazing!
now for planning…how do you plan for a wedding during a pandemic and make sure that everyone is safe? we knew we had to have our wedding outside just to make sure there was enough space for people and we really didnt have a choice because everything was closed. we orginally were going to get married on the beach at south shore park butttttttt in true wisconsin fashion…our wedding day was in the 30s with rain and snow. wouldnt be wisconsin if it didnt snow or rain on an important day. so we had to move everything from the beach to the humbolt part band shelter. which wasnt a problem because still enough space and it was covered!
we made sure to keep our group to about 10 people and made sure it was our families or people we have been around this whole time. i had my maid of honor come, who signed the licence and then nicks best man came and signed it too. we had our parents and my now sister in law with my nephew and of course my sister (yes i have a sister, well no blood but pretty close!) and then our officiate! oh and cannot forget my main lady, arissa for taking the photos (and for making my crown!)
and then, we had a wedding!
ugh i was so cold! like thank god i had a jean jacket that my dear friend natalie made. and UM GUYS! she makes custom jackets for brides and grads and everyone else in between. the jacket literally saved my life, well saved my arms from falling off from being so cold. i would recommend her work 110%, it so well done!
i asked, you answered. here is some of the weird stuff ive tried over the past monthish.
okay – i have to say though, i didnt try anything REALLY CRAZY like deep fired cockroaches or jumping off a 500 foot cliff.
ANYWAYS, i feel like since i had a lot of time, i would try new things that one, ive either been wanting to try for a while now or two, i saw something else doing it and im like “yup, im going to try that”. and why not try new things when there is literally nothing else to do. sooo i did! here are a few things i dabbled in:
DALGONA COFFEE + MUSHROOM COFFEE
yes i realize that everyone is doing this trend but hey! i wanted to try too so i did. i am more than sure youve seen how to make this and are probs drinking one right now BUT i got my recipe from: organically becca. as i read her post about it, i realized i had to try. i then thought “ick, instant coffee is gross”. but as i read on, she said she used mushroom coffee and i knew this was my chance to try it myself. i have always heard that mushroom coffee is good for you but i was always worried of it tasting earthy or literally like mushrooms. so i went on amazon and ordered this stuff. and i love it!! it a strong flavor and i know youre wondering, there isnt a mushroom flavor. what i would suggest doing is only using ONE coffee packet, thats how flavorful they are.
dermaaaa whattttttt? what is that? its when you take a little facial razor and glide it over (AKA shave) your face to remove dead skin but also exfoliates it and helps with application of make up. BUT its to overall have smoother skin. ive been wanting to try this for the longest time, well professionally but again, i have all the time in the world now so i figured i would watch a couple videos and i would know what to do! the person who i turned to was celeste thomas, in this IG post, she shows you whathca gotta do! i honestly thought this was going to be a lot more involved but nope! her video is simple & easy to follow. i ended up buying these razors off of amazon and they work perfect. my skin was so soft afterwards and for a few days after. and NO your hair on your face doesnt grow back thicker and darker. TMI but i do have upper lip hair and its been a week now and i havent seen a hair come back like i thought i wouldve. i cant speak on how its like to apply makeup after dermaplaning because i dont wear makeup so dont hate me for that! i will say though that the overall feel and look of my skin has changed.
another derma? YUP! this one is a little different than the razor above. this tool if you will, is pretty much what it sounds like. its a roller and on the roller on small little needles that put little holes in your skin and yes, they will heal. what does that mean for your skin? it means that when you roll your face, it sends a “distressed” signal to your face, telling your face it needs to heal. i got my “how to” from organically becca. this is her blog post on the who, what, where and when to roll your face. this process does hurt. okay not, a lot a lot but you are pushing small needles into your face. here is the roller i got, they make different sizes of needle but this size is suggested if youre just starting out. overall, i havent really noticed a HUGE difference in my skin since using this but again, ive only done it twice. i have read a lot that you should have a really good moisturizer after you get roll since your skin is open and more absorbent, i use high antioxidant night repair treatment & it works wonders! (i also sell LBRI sooo if you need new skincare, let a girl now!).
FREE THE ARMPIT
but really. ive been antiperspirant free for about a month? annnnnd its been hard. i mean sweaty and stinky. i did a lot of reading on how bad it is to use antiperspirant so i thought, hey why not! ive been drinking mushroom coffee and shaving my face, why not try this. okay, i will say that i did this because nick tried and he said it was fine and it really wasnt that bad so im like “yup – got this!”. and now i am not totally sold on it. i think im sweating just talking about it right now. thank god i have a black shirt on. ugh i hate to admit this buttttt i had a horrible sweating problem in middle school to the point that i only wore black because of it. and now, i feel like im back in middle school and have to ~worry~ about what i wear because ill sweat. and it doesnt stop there. there is stink. you will stink. and your clothes will stink. and your new middle name will be stink. you dont stink at first but once the weeks go on, you do! i have read that it does stop and that things do get better but that is sort of hard for me to believe. one of the mail reasons why im sticking it out is because, its not normal for our bodies not to sweat. what i mean is, with us putting antiperspirant on, we are not allowing our bodies to sweat which means we arent letting our bodies flush out toxins. since we arent flushing out toxins in our sweat, theyre just being pushed back into the body. GROSS! ANDDDDD when you shave your pits, if you do, you create little holes on the skin and when you put antiperspirant on, youre only pushing it deeper into your pits & making it even harder for your body to flush toxins. you guessed it, science class is over lol. i have experimented with two different deodorants. i also read that you should switch up your deodorants so your body doesnt become used to just the one and it stops working. the first one i tired was, schmidts lavender and sage. i like it, it smells really good but i found it didnt work as well as i thought it wouldve. again, it was the first one i used and when you first start, your body goes whacky and needs time to detox so maybe i will try this one again. the one im using now and really enjoying is doterras balance. ugh it smells so good and i feel like it works really hard at keeping me dry! i mean, this stuff isnt bullet proof but does do a good job! my heath guru friend, paige said that native brand works really well too! so that will be my next try.
MADE A PODCAST
okay okay, i cannot wait all the credit for this. my bff since 5th grade, ceci came to me a couple of weeks ago and said she wanted to do zoom chat or something that was recorded and we could ask each other a couple of questions and thats it. well, i cant really remember how it all started but somehow we were like LETS JUST MAKE A PODCAST!!! because why the fuck not! i have to admit, we really had no idea what we are doing, we dont have an intro song, or a fancy mic or an outline of how things were going to go or anything of that. we pretty much just said “lets do this”. all we did was download a podcast recording app, used a picture of us from 5th grade as our “cover” and BOOM we had a podcast. oh, the name was totally ceci…she went to goodwill and found a shirt that said “unbothered” and right there, she was named! ceci & kelsey : unbothered. each podcast will have a theme and from there, we will write one another questions and then ask them to each other. we pretty much cannot be bothered, by anything… and if we are, well talk about it. our goal is to bring laughs, positivity and real conversation back. we recorded our first episode this past weekend and cannot wait to do more. we have already made a list of what we want to change/improve…which is a lot because duh, we had no idea what we were doing. ANYWAYS, if youre interested in our first attempt of our podcast you can FIND IT HERE. and when you listen, because i know you will…let us know how you like it!
well, thats all i got! i hope everyone is staying safe and positive out there ❤
i dont think i need to go into what is going on around us because we all know. unless youre literally living under a rock, please invite me over…that sounds a lot nicer than whats going on now.
i will say this, the air is weird, the times are weird. life is weird. its weird that i am still going into work (im not a fan about it) and nick stays home and works. its weird not being able to do things you were so used to doing, like going to dinner and happy hours. maybe this is a small lesson on you shouldnt take things for granted? probs. its weird coming home everyday, nick being home, glen being all excited and then i set my things down, fuck around for a good 20 mins and then go workout. after that, we walk because what else are we going to do? then we make a drink, i know im not alone here…i have drank A LOT during this time. i make dinner, shower, watch the news, make another drink and then turn on some mindless tv and dread the next day because i know damn well what i am going to be doing.
but then the thoughts and questions come up, sooooooooo what are we going to do about the wedding?
i will be brutally honest with you, i dont fucking know.
when i said “im getting married in 3 months”, i thought to myself “oh that is so close, yet so far away”. and now, i would do anything to wait another 3 months so i could have a better handle on whats going on.
i never thought it would come down to this. i never thought that the ONE thing that was suppose to be about me (sorry nick), is now effected. and i know im not the only one.
as far as it goes, we are still planning on getting married on our wedding date, 6/6/2020. i have talked to the venue and they said that all june events are going as planned unless the government says no, obvi. so here i am, sending out my invites and RSVPs with only two weeks for people to decide whether or not they want to risk it, whether or not they want to believe things will be okay within a month. so now i am pretty much making people choose, my wedding or their wellbeing.
but this is all a mind game because then i start to think that i shouldnt be so selfish. i shouldnt only be thinking about myself, theres people out there without jobs, dying, loosing loved ones, being on the front line and people who are also in the same boat as i in.
i think still think that i shouldnt feel sad, i shouldnt be THAT upset, i shouldnt worry so much about myself because look at the world, a lot worse things are happening than you not getting married.
but you know what? i do feel sad. i feel mad. i feel frustrated.
i mean yes, we are talking about an alternative date but thats not the point. the point is, i have worked my ass off for the last 10 months to plan this wedding and for everything to hopefully goes as planned. i worked hard on making sure i got what i wanted with the right people for the right price. i worked hard on making sure all my ducks were in a row, making sure everything was ordered and everything was paid for & ready to go.
i am upset because im a planner. i love to have a plan, i love to know what is going on and i love to be in control of what is going on or what will go on. and now i dont have that. i dont have any of that. all i have is a small hope that somehow we will be able to have our wedding the day we planned with as many of our friends and family as we can have.
i never thought that i would say it but im not even excited to get married anymore. all the worry and unknown has really taken all the fun out of what is suppose to be one of the best days of your life. but then that thought comes back into my head again, the “well a lot worse is going on around you…you can also postpone and have the dream wedding you always wanted”. well duh! but i want MY wedding on the MY wedding day.
I JUST WANT TO SCREAM.
i know im not alone in this. i have a couple of friends who are in the same boat as me and all i can say is that, thank god for them. i dont know how this would be if i was doing it alone.
i regret saying that i was sick of talking about wedding planning because now im sick of talking about what are we going to do, im sick of people asking about what is our plan is and telling me its okay, you can always have it another time.
my whole point of this is, its okay to feel sad, mad, frustrated, upset, pissed off, not excited, unhappy, selfish and bummed out. of course, people are going to say that this must be a hard time and they cant even image what youre going through.
i havent had a full on crying fit or anything. i did cry when i passed the air port last weekend, i saw a plane coming in. i could think about is how going to hawaii for our honeymoon is probably not going to happen like it was suppose to and you know what? i havent even full processed that. i am so fucking mad about possibly not getting married that i havent even put thought into not going on my honeymoon.
what i thought were going to be a busy three months havent been that. these three months have been filled with disappointment over and over again.
no bridal shower (if you want to buy me stuff though, im 100% okay with that lol)
no bachelorette party which means not seeing a friend that i havent seen in years.
not being able to send out my invites and rsvps when i shouldve and knowing who is able to come to the wedding, knowing theyre coming because itll be safe.
not being able to see another friend i havenet seen in forever because her shower and bach party couldnt happen.
no more excited feelings.
okay kelsey, come on…but a little more happy, a little more excited…have some optimism!!! funny you say all that because i tried. i would say that normally, im a pretty positive person and this, this right here has drained all of that from me.
i read an article last night that said that “everything is going to be okay”, “youll get your day, it might not be ON YOU DAY but itll come”. of course, i get that. but i have the complete right to feel what i am feeling.
wheater or not youre getting married in a simlar time frame as me or youve had to totally postpone your wedding or youre reading this just because know that, you are not alone. when it comes to feeling the way you are, know you have people around you that are going through what you are, your partner is feeling it too. dont think they dont have feelings too, ask them how theyre feeling. know that its okay to be mad and pissed the fuck off. its okay to not know what to do or how to feel. its okay to be selfish. like i said before, i feel like this isnt a time for me to be only thinking about me but guess what?? I AM. i am human and im being effected in a way i never have before.
know i am here, i am feeling what youre feeling. i want to get married, i want to have the best wedding with the best man ever but i feel like that is being taken away from me.
sure, in the end, i might “look back and laugh about this” but right now, im not laughing.
please let me know if you need me or have any questions.
my heart goes to the brides who have no ideas what the next day will bring.
what if i told you that, for almost a year now i havent felt myself.
what if i told you that i have been to multiple doctors and they told me over and over again that they didnt know what is wrong. and then you tried to tell others what you are feeling and all they could say was that “youre fine” or “i hope you get answers soon”.
what if i told you that ive spent endless hours googling what i thought was wrong and then one day, well sitting in my car, i filled out a random survey off of a website that i googled and found the answer as to what was wrong.
do i sound crazy yet? are you confused? wait…something was going on with you? HUH!
i said i wouldnt call this “my story” or “my journey” but i think i have too? i think i want you to read this as a reminder to not give up on yourself, your health and your gut feeling. it was even told to my face that “youre going through all of if just so you can blog about it”. yeah, got me…i have spent the last year doing what i did just so you can be reading this right now and have something to do.
anyways – here we are and im going to tell you how the last tenish months of my life have been.
last may, i was at a barre class (yes…ive been scared to go back since) and we were towards the end of the class and all of sudden i started to feel dizzy and off, brain fog feeling. and i just thought “oh whatever, youre fine, youre working out, this happens all the time. itll go away”.
for nine months, i have felt dizzy. well, it started off has feeling dizzy, i would always tell people that i felt “buzzed” or that the world was moving and i wasnt. and the normal response to that was “that actually seems sort of fun, why wouldnt you want to be buzzed?”. i thought it was crazy for people to say that, why would i like feeling this buzzed feeling from the minute i woke up to the minute i went to bed. it just didnt make sense.
so i figured i would head to the doctor, even though i hated the doctor and explain to him what i was feeling. at this point i really didnt even feel THAT bad like i said, just the buzzed feeling.
i sat there in the doctors office and had him tell me that he had no idea what was going on. i was so upset. like youre a doctor…how do you not know what is going on???? at this point, i felt alone. and to be honest pretty fucking mad. the doctor told me that if it keeps going on within a couple of weeks to come back and see him. so i did just that and again, he told me that he had no idea what was wrong and suggested i see an ENT.
and i thought, wait…maybe its my ears. at this point though, i started to notice more symptoms than just this buzzed feeling. i started to actually feel dizzy, i felt like i was going to pass out because i would walk into a big, semi crowded area and start to panic. like wtf is going on? i never was like this before. i never got nervous going places and now im freaking out in big stores like target or costso?
as i was headed into the ENT doctor, thinking to myself “this is going to be it! this has to be my ears. finally ill get answers. and feel like myself again!”
every test they tried came back normal. my ears were working just fine, nothing was filled or out of place.it was finally time to see the ENT doctor and she literally told me that i have migraines. well yeah, thanks. i already knew that but thats NOT what is going on. i was told to change my diet and read some books about migraines and it should help. at this point, i felt even more alone. i felt like this was something that i would have to just feel, all the time. for the rest of my time. okay i know this sounds dramatic but its honestly how i was feeling because i was trying to get help and nothing was working.
at this point, i was willing to try anything. which means i turned to holistic medicine. now, i am not going to go 100% in this but this was something that i truly enjoyed. if you want to know more about this part, please let me know! although the holistic medicine didnt solve my dizziness, it did help in other aspects of my life such as heart and gut health.
in the mean time though, i did seek out help from another primary doctor who i explained my symptoms too and she said that she wasnt sure what it could be and ordered me to take a blood test. well, everything came back normal. i was was crushed but also not surprised. just like always “everything is fine and how about i send you to another doctor since i cant help you”. this doctor suggested i see a neurologist who i wouldnt be able to see until APRIL mind you, at this point in was late december. i again thought, how the hell can i wait that long for something that i should be getting checked out NOW!?? so there i sat, waiting for what i knew would be months until i would hopefully get the answers i was looking for.
i truly started to freak out. i was getting married in 6 months, i would be going on many trips this coming year…how was i suppose to have fun or even look forward to any of that when i felt like crap everyday.
now it was the new year and again, nothing really didnt change. i was always still feeling buzzed or even dizzy. the overwhelming feeling when walking into a big box store was still there. i still was seeing my holistic medicine practitioner because i thought something along the way would help because i was out of ideas. at one of my last sessions, she suggested i see a chiropractor. this was the first time in a long time that i was excited to see a a doctor.
so i headed to the chiropractor and explained everything to him. at this point, i didnt hold anything back, i was so wanting to get an answer. my first session was a little scary, all i could think was about how much i hate the noise of things cracking. something that stood out when i was there was, when he was doing a full exam of everything, he told me that my shoulders and neck were VERY tight for someone my age. i just thought it was because i was stressed with everything that has been going on so i just brushed it off. i went for a total of six visits and at the end, the doctor felt sorry we wasnt able to help. but im not going to complain…my back felt amazing! but still felt everything i had been feeling.
now, i wear glasses buttttt only at night to drive and to see far away and even then i never really wore them because i didnt like them. i thought that wearing my glasses would help, i mean it was worth a shot. at this point, i was also up to see my eye doctor so i made an appointment. i started wearing my glasses and i didnt really feel a difference but i did seem a LITTLE less dizzy so i kept wearing them. i kept googling my symptoms and i read that i had everything under the sun, i mean duh! google tells you that youre dying every time you look something up! then randomly, i started to google: “can not wearing your glasses make you dizzy?”. and some how i found myself filling out this survey from some eye clinic in illinois. almost every single question they asked was something i had been feeling or something i have experienced. i was freaking out, like this is me! what if i have binocular vision dysfunction aka bvd? what if this is whats wrong with me! so i filled out the survey and it said that someone would call me and i just though that it was fake and this was too good to be true. so i started to really looking into bvd.
here is the survey that i took, i scored extremely higher than i should have.
but i still had an appointment with my normal eye doctor, i explained some of what i was feeling, pretty much the dizziness, the buzzed feeling and the feeling of being overwhelmed in a big box store. the doctor pretty much laughed at me and said that my eyes are stained that i should wear my glasses all the time now and therefore i should wear contacts. OMG I HATED CONTACTS! it was horrible.
at this point, after a lot of personal research, convincing to nick that i wasnt crazy and talking with the clinic in illinois, meaning i talked over the phone with the eye specialist that i was going to see. i was convinced this was it, that i needed to go.
in mid february, i drove to clarendon vision development center in westmont, il. now this is only like a hour away from mke so the drive was easy. this is the only eye specialist that is near mke so that is why we made the drive down there. i was nervous, i was worried this wasnt going to work, again. i was worried that something REALLY bad was wrong with me and that this was another shot in the dark.
i met with dr. cumings and omg. what a great doctor! i felt like she was my friend and she was VERY understanding of what i was feeling and was ensuring me that we would be able to fix, yes fix this. the overall assessment took over an hour. and the assessment is nuts! its not just an eye exam, its a neurovisual evaluation – “which is is detailed and thorough examination of vision, including assessment for small amounts of vision misalignment that are causing the symptoms of bvd”. meaning, its a fulllllll on exam of your eyes, of how your eyes are able to “handle” different movements and what not. i wont explain it all but i never knew this much went into finding out that i have.
here are a list of a lot of what i was feeling…yes, its a lot.
in short, what this means is, when i got my concussion in june 2018, the fall created my eyes to work at different rates. if you will, they became misaligned. so my eyes were doing two different things at two different times therefore confusing my brain and creating all my dizziness and all the other things i had going on. remember the stiff neck and shoulders that the chiropractor said i had?? well thats all to do with my eyes. its one of the symptoms, i thought that was interesting! ANYWAYS so now what?
i then got new glasses made that have prism in them. pretty much they help make my eyes work together again, they fool your eyes into thinking that they are working together without straining them. meaning, my symptoms would be lessened or even gone.
now fast forward to today, april 1st.
the first two to three weeks with my glasses on, i felt amazing. i felt like a new person! but then, i started to feel my symptoms coming back and i started to freak out because things were going so well! i was feeling so much better and now, i wasnt. so i reached out to dr. cumings and she said i might be wearing my new glasses TOO much. meaning my eyes have “fixed” themselves and wearing the glasses is bothering them now. she gave me a couple of exercises to do to straighten my eyes and told me to just feel out when i need my glasses and when i dont. this weekend was suppose to be my follow up with her but ya know! we are stuck at home. another reason why things have been off again for my eyes is because i may need new lenses. bvd is weird and different for everyone. so there isnt a cut and dry answer as to how its going to work for each person since each case is so different and people are different. meaning its alot of trial and error before you find something that works for you.
and with everything going on, i am still going to the neurologist tomorrow just to make sure everything is really okay. my mom has MS so think its important now to talk to a doctor about it and just to get reinsurance that everything is okay and that its just trail and error with my eyes at this point.
thats all i got! i wrote this because i hope that someone who needs to find this will and know they arent alone. know that they arent crazy for feeling what they do and they shouldnt stop until they find the answer or until they feel like themselves again.
i will tell you that this hasnt been fun, its been very sad and hard for me. im a postive person, a happy person and the way i felt took that away. i am slowly regaining “the old me” but in turn, growing from this & trying to be better than what i was before.
please dont hesitate to reach out to me with any questions you may have or if youre wanting to talk about something that youre feeling due to feeling the same way i did.
i laugh now when i think about what i thought i wanted when it came to getting married. i always said i wanted a poofy dress, i want a lot of guests and for it to be fancy!
ha. yeahhhhhh. none of that is true…sorry little me.
i also never thought that i would be planning a wedding in 7 months and i never thought it would go as quickly as it has. they say “oh itll go quick” yeah no kidding!! last week marked 3 more months until the big “i do” and i had a thought: “i feel like not a lot of people are getting married in a year or less of becoming engaged, so why not write a blog post on some tips and tricks for anyone who is getting marred?”
so here we are! a mini guide if you will, a little update on wedding planning 🙂
(i think i will do a full on post about more details of planning once i get married – i dont want to give away too much)
well, where do i start? we are now a little less than 3 months out and im telling people i am freaking out but im really not? what needs to get done now is just the little things. such as figuring out the rehearsal dinner time line, the wedding day timeline. and you best believe, i am going to make a complete guide for everyone because thats me!
like i kind of said before, i never thought i would be the one who was going to have to plan a wedding in less than a year but i dont think i would want it any other way. why? because i dont like to sit around and wait, i like things done sooner than later. i get that isnt always the case for everyone but it is for me.
but with such a small timeline – that meant and still means i cant just sit on a thought or a decision because im literally neck to neck with people who probs have been planning their weddings for over a year now.
i am trying to think of advise to give without giving too much detail for now but i feel like a lot of people dont tell you things and when they do, youre like oh…well, i wish i knew that sooner because i need to figure this out in the next two weeks otherwise its going to be rush, not work out or someone else is going to take it from me.
here are couple of things i have learned so far that i feel like i need to share:
google! literally google has been my best friend when it comes to all wedding things. from googling “milwaukees best wedding venues” to “what can i do at my wedding that isnt a photobooth?”. literally everything. dont be scared to do so.
ask for help! im bad at this – i dont really ask for help but sometimes you need to ask your already married friends, your mom or your soon to be mother in law for help because girl…you dont know it all.
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX! for real!! if you think an idea is weird or different its more than likely the best idea ever because no one else you know of has done it before. i will say that, we arent having a cake, we arent having a religious ceremony and we arent having a photobooth. check out my FAVORS part down below 🙂
borrow stuff and make stuff! dont be scared to ask people if you can borrow things from them or even from their weddings. i will tell you right now that most of my basement is filled with second hand stuff from a friends wedding. why go and buy new when you can re-purpose something that someone else has? i have made a lot of my stuff such as my save the dates, invites and favors (all below). i also plan on making as much as i can.
YOU DONT HAVE TO BUY – RENT! yeah this sounds obvious but i rented a couple of things and yeah i may be out some money but again, i rather purpose something than buy new. this is the website i used to rental – relics rentals . its a great vintage rential shop in mke!
DO YOUR RESEARCH! if you dont do this, youre going to be spending a lot of money. all im going to say is, you can find quality people and services for reasonable prices. i say this because i had been looking for a photographer and some photographers are charging SO MUCH MONEY! i mean, an extra $500 for a second photographer, the “low end package” is $2000 and that doesnt include a lot so you pretty much need to buy the add-ons which then youre upwards in the $4000s. so if anything, please do your research because itll help you save $$$ in the long run. **if you need a list of people and services i used…please let me know!!**
GET A NOTEBOOK, JUST FOR PLANNING: i am really thinking about creating my own guide for brides to be, but that is all still in the works! anyways – i have a notebook with a folder in it to keep all of my signed contracts in. yes, i know thats old fashioned but i like to have everything right there in case it is needed. in my notebook i write all my plans, ideas and notes when i take to people on the phone about stuff or if im just planning by myself. its just nice to have everything is one place!
USE THE KNOT WEBSITE: this website has been more than helpful! this website helps you stay on track with guidelines and timelines. whats nice about the site is, youre able to build your wedding website which holds your registry, wedding details, engagement photos and so much more. whats also nice about the site is, youre able to keep all your contacts in there for your save the dates and invites. you can track your budget and it even carters to where you live when it comes suggests of services such as hair, venues and djs.
and you thought i was done…nope! i have included a couple of things that i thought were GENIUS! and i just had to share. below im showing you what i talked about above but also a couple of other things too!
DYI INVITES + RETURN ADDRESS :
if youre like me, you love shutterfly but you dont really like their prices, right? right. because we are the same. as i was looking into invites, shutterfly was adding up quick. meaning, JUST for the invites, we were looking at over $100! thats doesnt include rsvp or details cards or anything along those lines. i knew i was smarter than shutterfly. i thought to myself: “can i do these myself?” or “can i get them printed somewhere for cheap?”. well i dont know how or why but i headed over to etsy and realized that i can buy a template, edit it myself, print them off myself and BOOM! (now there are all different packages with a lot more you can print off and what not but i did it simple) all said and done, my invites, rsvps and detail cards were $202 with 3 day shipping and envelopes. if you ask me, thats a deal! another thing i did was get stamps for the return address. i went a little crazy and got two. one that is before getting married and one for after. its just so much easier than writing it out or making labels. plus, i like the detail it gives.
here is what i used to score cheap invites & other stuff:
this sounds obvi right? like of course im going to invite who i want because its my wedding. yes, youre right but i was running into the problem of: “okay i know jim bob jones doesnt have a gf right now, which means hes going to bring someone random which them means im spending all this money on a person i dont know!”. that literally was a problem i was worried about, have randos at my wedding and me having to pay for them. now i cannot take full credit on this, i stole this from my friend erin (shes getting married in april!) BUT i thought it was smart so thanks erin!
set up your rsvp cards to look like this:
the person youre sending this too has no option than what you give them. all you need to do is, fill in, by hand, how many people youre inviting. and then on back of the card, you will give the person or couple a number so when they send it back you know whos card you have. meaning only jim bob jones was invited because i only reserved one seat for him and on the back of his card was a 18. so i know that hes 18 because i have made that his number since there isnt a return address on the rsvps. sorry jim bob. also – arent these GORG!
i wasnt going to share this one but i have been to a lot of wedding and the favors are either awesome and well thought out or theyre like wtffff is this. well, i wanted people to say: “this is totally nick and kelsey!”. and i think i did just that! although coming up with this idea wasnt the easiest, my suggestion is – think of something that you BOTH like. something that you you WANT to share with people. something that YOU, yourself would use. so drum roll please… our favors are…mini whiskey bottles! seagrams 7 baby! tacky? maybe. original? totally. but it was cheap. i feel like favors can get expensive, i mean everyone gets one and if theyre a $1 then that times how many people rsvp. i kept this simple and just bought labels and of course used a beyonce song. all and all, for 150 mini bottles…my total was $135 which isnt bad!
wow – that was a long post!! ugh i really wanted to share more and give you ALL the details but like i said, its coming once the wedding it over.
i have been trying to come up with our grand march song for like ever so if you know a song that would work, lmk . secondly, i got contacts three days ago and theyre weird but im enjoying actually seeing! and third, i have been waiting to write this post for like a month because ive literally made these sandwiches like 3 weeks in a row.
also im going to try a new layout when it comes to explaining a recipe, so here we go!
WHAT IS NEEDED:
two peppers – diced. i used yellow & orange, (they just seem to be a little sweeter)
1/2 of a red onion – diced
5 oz baby kale – i just used a whole package so no need to measure
10 eggs, beaten
5 bread thins – i used the brand: brownberry
5 pieces cheese – your choice! (i like medium cheddar)
salt and pepper to taste
optional: red pepper flakes, 5 pieces of bacon
*preheat your oven to 375*
oil (i used EVOO) a medium to large sauce pan and let it chill on the stove until your veggies are cut up, you dont want to oil too hot. now, dice your peppers and onion. once youre done crying from the onion, add the peppers into the your oiled pan and saute over medium low heat. add in the salt and pepper, here i just shake until i think its enough. i do like a little spice so i add red pepper flakes. remember those are stronger than they look! saute for about 10 mintues or until peppers start to get soft and a little brown. then add your onions, saute for another 5 minutes (at this point, you may need to add some more oil) and then add your kale. at this point, your peppers and onions should be brown-ish and glazed looking. now youre going to cook down the kale for about 5-7 minutes. the overall point here to make sure everything is super cooked down.
while your veggies are sauting, get a big ass bowl and crack your 10 eggs into it. yes – you can use more eggs but i find 10 works perfectly. whisk until combined. set aside if youre still sauting your veggies.
combine the eggs with the veggies, i stir mine to make sure all the veggies are coated with egg and that there arent big chunks of kale stuck together.
oil a 9×13 pan, and pour the egg and veggies mix into it. cook for 25-30 mins.
let the egg mixture cool, this may take some time. i strongly suggest this because if the egg mixture it too hot, it will make your bread all soggy.
cut the egg mixture into 10 pieces – as even as you can. lay out your sandwich thins, and place two pieces of egg on each thin, top with your choice of cheese and bacon, if you choose. take completed sandwiches, wrap and foil and freeze.
HOW TO HEAT:
yes i know all mircowaves are different but i take the frozen sandwich, put it on papertowel, heat it for one minute, flip it and heat for another minute. then flip it back and heat for another 20-30 seconds. i then rewrap my sandwich and eat it while i head into work.
well that is it! super easy right? right.
i hope you enjoy this & let me know if you make them 🙂
i think i typed and then deleted this first part here like five times so im not even going to try again to sound like i have it together.
i feel like ive been hiding my life more than normal when it comes to posting here or on IG (i know youve missed me). i feel as if the lack of being present is because one, ive been balls deep in wedding planning, yes – im that bride that just wants to do everything by herself and not have any help. we all know that isnt possible. another reason is because i feel totally and completely lost when it comes to who i am. i found myself getting caught up in what i am rather than who i am. i felt as if i wasnt being 100% myself and i hated that so i kind of took a step back. its hard to not look at others and think “wow, thats a lot of followers….what am i doing wrong?” or ” dang okay, well what i posted is stupid because no one really commented on it or liked it”. and why does that matter? it doesnt. but like i said, it bothered me so bad that i didnt post much, i didnt do my normal photoshoots, i stopped looking through a creative lenses. which ISNT ME AT ALL. come on, im that kid who always answered “art” as my favorite subject.
but im bored. i am bored of not showing my life, what im doing or what im eating. im bored of pretending to be someone who im not. and okay, im not saying that social media totally changed me and i slipped into a dark hole of being a totally different person but you get it. im fine, i really am. this is sound more dramatic than it should be but im dramatic so its fitting!
im bored of talking about the same old same old, im bored of not show you what i really want to show you. im bored of staying in my shell and not being me. say bored one more time. bored.
so here is girl scout 3 finger, “on my honor…”
i will be me, i will do this and i will NOT let myself or you down.
happy black friday! i am not heading out this year…i used to go out at like 11 pm on thanksgiving night to get the deals but there really isnt that much i need to get. i am also still full from last nights thanksgiving dinner, jk! not full enough to bring you one of my famous (because, you know…im famous) mashed potato omelet with hollandaise sauce recipe!
i know what youre thinking, what? is that even good? um, yes, its SO GOOD! and now youre thinking, hollandaise sauce, yeah right! thats not going to happen. well yes it is, i have a recipe that is so easy yet so good. i know you have left over mashed pototos screaming your name in your fridge right now!! i know mine were this morning. so with that being said, here is my simple left over mashed potato omelet with hollandaise sauce recipe!
here is what youll need for the omelet:
about 1/2 cup of mashed potatoes
whisk your two eggs in a bowl and add a little water, this help with making the eggs fluffy. then i add a little salt and pepper into the whisked eggs.
lightly oil your sauce pan, i use the smallest one i have and pour in your eggs, let them cook a low heat. i was told once that you should never hear your eggs cook.
while your eggs are cooking, warm up your mashed potatoes in the microwave, i would say for about a minute or so. stirring half way through. during this time, i also start to make my hollandaise sauce. the recipe can be found here.
once my eggs have cooked on one side meaning there are hardly any loose egg sitting on the top, flip it. yes, this may get messy – i did spill a little myself.
now spread your heated mashed potatoes on half of your flipped omelet and then flip the other side over. at this point, your omelet is finished!
at this point, this is where i would melt my butter for my hollandaise sauce, whisk it in my already combined egg yolk, spices & lemon juice and microwave the whole sauce to finished it up.
take the finished hollandaise sauce and pour as much as youd like over your omelet.
top with chives if youd like!
i think this might be the shortest, to the point post i have ever written. but i woke up and was like I NEED TO SHARE THIS WITH THE WORLD! so youre welcome, happy friday & happy eating thanksgiving leftovers 🙂